How to approach a child with divorce
Divorces are hard on your children, whether they are 8 or 58. However, unlike adults who may have better coping abilities, divorces can be much more devastating to children. Therefore, it is extremely important that you approach the child in an appropriate manner when going through a divorce.
For the most part, one does not suddenly wake up in a happy marriage to suddenly want to file for divorce. By the time a couple gets to that point, they have usually gone through a period of emotional and physical stress. The source of the stress may come from different areas - financial strain, emotional disconnect, extramarital affairs, abuse, etc. If you feel that you have gone through great trauma, chances are, your children have gone a good amount as well.
Children, especially young children, may be very sensitive to the emotions and behaviors of the adults around them. While you feel hurt, bitter, or angry because of your spouse, they sometimes internalize your emotions as their faults. They simply could not understand why their parents are so upset with each other. Even then, they may still want to hold on to that facade of a complete family unit for one reason or another. Therefore, it is important to approach the topic of divorce very carefully when the time comes.
One thing you may want to consider doing is to enlist the help of a therapist. Children may often feel stuck trying to please both parents who are at war with each other. Having someone to talk to and voice their thoughts may help them channel some of those negative emotions.
Another thing you may want to consider is to continually reassure your children that their parents will still love them even if they no longer reside together as they always have. Children who are left feeling insecure about their future with either parent may often express their insecurities in other ways reflected in their changed behaviors. These insecurities, if left unaddressed, may lead to lasting impact in their adult lives.
Another thing that may be helpful is to always put the children before yourself. That means, think about how your actions and words may make your children feel. Never talk about the divorce or talk negatively about the other parent in front of the children. They are listening even if you don’t think they are. Even if you feel hurt by the other parent, keep the hurt to yourself and talk with another adult about it when the children are not around. You should be their pillar of strength, not the other way around.
Lastly, try to maintain as much normalcy as possible during the onset of the divorce. Children are resilient. But that resilience may take some time to adjust. Make changes slowly. Give them time to get used to it.
Remember, the “best interest of the children” should not be what YOU want, but what THEY need. If you need help, consider talking with a therapist yourself. An experienced family law attorney can also take burdens off of your shoulders to allow you time to recover and focus your attention on helping your children cope.
The content provided in this blog is for informational purposes only. This is not legal advice, and your viewing of this blog does not form any attorney-client relationship.
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