Avoid pitfalls to an expensive divorce

Do you know that you may be contributing to the increased cost of your divorce? Yes, some of the things you are doing that may seem reasonable may actually be making your case more expensive, and may also cause you unnecessary delays.

Some divorces are expensive. You’ve seen it all over the tabloids. Those celebrities divorces with attorney’s fees sometimes as high as $1 million or more. Even a typical divorce can be expensive if the parties engage in certain behaviors that drives up their attorney’s fees. Truth of the matter is, you may be committing those same mistakes without even knowing it. 

Here are some things to avoid if you want to keep the cost down.

1. Avoid fighting with the other side about everything.
   There are some things worth fighting for, and some things that are not.  Should you fight for a fair distribution of assets and debts? Of course!  But, should you fight about whether he should keep the upstairs TV or the one in the living room? Probably not.  Unless there is a truly pressing reason as to why one is more valuable to you than the other (so that it is not replaceable), chances are that item may not matter much to you even a year in the future.  Instead of spending attorney’s fees talking to your attorney, and having your attorney work on getting those specific items, focus on the big picture. 
   

2. Avoid trying to just settle and settle and settle and settle.
   This is not to say that settlement is not good.  Quite the opposite! Settlement is sometimes (and more often than not) the best way to resolve divorce disputes.  This is because it is better than you come up with how you want your life to go moving forward than to have a judge who knows you for no more than a few hours of your life to make that decision for you.  However, there comes a point when you should stop the settlement negotiation and let someone else do the deciding.  Otherwise, you will simply drag the case on and on until you run out of money.  
   

3. Avoid wanting to have a say in the other person’s parenting.
   You’ve been involved in every aspect of your children’s lives.  You were there for them through ups and downs.  They are your life.  It’s no wonder that you’re nervous about having them in the hands of a person who you may no longer trust.  However, if you try to micromanage every aspect of the other person’s parenting, not only will you likely be met with resistance, you are probably going to put yourself in a hostile position to the other party.  This may negatively impact the parties’ willingness to settle and work together.  It may lead to increased litigation, which is expensive. Furthermore, the on-going confrontation will likely impact your children’s well-being negatively.
   

4. Avoid refusing to settle unless it conforms with your version of fairness.
   Oftentimes, people want things to “feel” fair.  Sometimes, this may be a case of having an unequal distribution of assets and debts.  Other times, it may be a case of seeing the other person getting half of your hard earned assets when you have been the main income earner all along.  Perhaps it is a case of your need to get compensation for the emotional hurt the divorce imposed upon you, like a need to “get even.”  These feelings are commonplace, but may be toxic to your case.  If you focus on getting emotional satisfaction in a divorce outcome, you may be looking in the wrong place.  Doing so can also cause delay in the settlement process and increase the amount of work that needs to be done to get resolution.
   

5. Avoid running away from your responsibilities.
   Whether it is to pay your child support, or continue paying for some of the bills you have always been paying as the head of the household, you need to speak with your attorney about what your responsibilities are during the divorce. No matter how much you dislike them, you should do them.  Otherwise, you may find yourself involved in unnecessary litigation with the other side, and negatively impact your image before the judge. 
   

6. Avoid drama over social media.
   Be careful when posting on social media. 
   Be careful when posting on social media. 
   Be careful when posting on social media. 

   Did you catch that? Good! In this time and age, everyone is on social media.  Everyone is sharing his/her life on Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, TikTok, etc.  This can be quite harmful to your divorce case.  While you may feel the urge (or even have a habit) to post everything on social media for friends and family to see, you may want to lay low during the course of your divorce proceeding.  Once it is out there on the internet, you may never be able to stop it.  While that is not to say you cannot post anything, you should think twice about it before you do.  Every time you post anything on social media, think about what the judge may think, what your attorney may think, and how the other side may try to sabotage you with your posts. Even if it turns out to be innocent and harmless, the stress and money used to sort it out can lead to unnecessary expenses.  

This is not an exhaustive list.  There are other things too.  Having an open conversation with your attorney and seeking your attorney’s advice is also crucial in avoiding these pitfalls. 

The content provided in this blog is for informational purposes only.  This is not legal advice, and your viewing of this blog does not form any attorney-client relationship. 

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